Foot Surgery - 3 Months Post-Op

On December 28th, I went in for my three-month post surgery appointment. It both seems like FOREVER ago and so super recently that I had my surgery. All went smoothly with the doctor and he told me that I'll continue to have swelling and pain for another three months and that the stiffness should start to decrease. He seemed pleased with my range of motion and told me that I don't need to come back in unless I have a new issue. All great news.

• Surgery story
• Three-days post-op update
• 12-days post-op update
• One month post-op update

My scar is now nearly invisible. I'm so amazed and impressed with my surgeon. 

My approach to the foot surgery is a little unique because all medical input shows that I'll need it again on my other (right) foot eventually. So throughout this, I've used my left foot as an assessment for when (or if) I'll get it done to the other foot.

The past week or so has actually been really tough on my surgery foot. It has felt very stiff and the pain and swelling have increased. I think this is due to the change in temperatures and dampness outside. I notice my foot doesn't adjust to changes such as cold/warm/cold very well and it simply refuses to bend properly. Again, my doctor has said all of this is completely normal.

Also, I still can't wear most of my shoes. I have a few pairs of Josef Seibel's and a pair of Uggs (with absolutely zero support) that work but it is really limited to basically a pair of ankle boots and my Altra Provision 3.0. This is one of my biggest annoyances so I decided to invest in two new pairs of Josef Seibel's: a knee-high boot and another pair of ankle boots. Josef Seibel's have proven to be the best shoe out there that fits my foot, offers plenty of support and holds up to the wear-and-tear of being worn every.single.day. Now if they'd only hurry up and arrive!

As for the right foot, I try to use the pain and discomfort of my left foot as a metric. My right foot definitely hurts. It increases in discomfort with this weather, but it still isn't as bad as my left foot yet. Maybe it'll never get there, which would be fantastic. I'm in no hurry to go through this surgery again.

Reconnecting with Me

I really think I went a little off the deep-end last week when it came to control. I realize that we never have complete and real control over our lives but I felt it even more astutely over the past week or two. I turned that chaotic feeling inward and really tried to hold myself to standards that were downright stupid.

I had my foot surgery seven weeks ago today. At this point, I can walk probably seven kilometers without any problems, I can comfortable get my foot into three different pairs of shoes and my pain is relatively low. That is major progress but instead of appreciating and rewarding myself, I decided it was time to put things into high gear in regards to pain and discomfort. 

I tried not to eat any carbs, eat as little overall as possible and even had the desire to go for two workouts a day (fortunately I simply ran out of time or never could rally myself to go do it now that it's cold and rainy in Gent). I managed to stick to this for nearly two weeks. And guess what showed on the scale? Absolutely zero progress. And that really drove me nuts and made me feel pretty bad about myself.

Instead of doubling (quadrupling?) my efforts, I decided to take a step back and reassess. I don't think I comprehended all the pressure I've put on my body these past two months with surgery, anesthesia and recovery. I've been going to physical therapy every.single.day. It hasn't been easy and I haven't been lazy. In the past two+ week, I went to Asia twice: Japan and then China. When I start looking at it through someone else's eye, I can totally understand why despite my best efforts, my body was holding on to every ounce. It is in total survival mode; it no longer remembers what normal looks and feels like.

So these past few days, I've been kinder. I've eaten some carbs, I drank some wine, I didn't feel guilty when I failed to do yoga. I tried to focus on simply making health choices: move in a way that brings enjoyment every day, eat wholesome, healthy foods, and have compassion and empathy for myself. And the strangest desire started happening. I started to crave to move more. Not for calorie reasons but to reconnect with my body. I got excited to lift weights (I haven't in months and months due to the feet) or go for a swim. Nothing strenuous, more spending time with me. And I decided the weight is what it is. If I keep moving and eating well, the surgery weight will come off when it is ready. And I'm okay with that.

Feeling Frustrated and too self absorbed

I haven't posted much this week despite aiming to do it every.single.day. I couldn't exactly put my finger on the reason. I've been super stressed about work this week, which definitely hasn't helped but I don't think that is specifically the cause. 

A lot of the reason is juggling life. In addition to work being full gas, I had to submit a massive binder worth of documents into the Belgian government yesterday. It took a month worth of daily effort, working (and paying a very pretty penny) to a Belgian bookkeeper and simply persevering through a language I'm far from fluent in. And at the end of all of this, I have no idea if they'll extend my visa. I hope they will, I believe they will, but really I have no idea. Also, I don't know how long it'll take them to get me an answer. My current visa expires in February so hopefully, I'll have an answer before time gets tight.

Then there are a lot of little things adding up -- one that stands out is trying to figure out Obamacare for next year (I've loved the Belgian system and now with Trump president, who knows if Obamacare will even exist, especially for those of us with pre-existing conditions). I feel fortunate I have an alternative but I would love to stop spending $500 a month for a US insurance that I don't really use. The only reason I do it is I'm terrified I'll get really hurt or sick and need to go back to the States. Wish I had a crystal ball which could tell me what was the right decision.

And the last stress might just be the most vapid and vain and it's the biggest one. I've been basically obsessed with losing my surgery weight. I'm not eating carbs, trying to eat as little as possible, drinking a ton of water, walking all.day.long, lifting, doing yoga, etc.etc.etc. It isn't budging. I head to Hawaii in a little over 10 days and I would like to feel more confident about myself. Sadly, I bought bathing suits months ago that I don't think are going to get worn. And I don't know what else I can. 

I know my weight fluctuation isn't huge and I'm still a fit, healthy woman. I get this shouldn't fall under the "important" column but I'll admit I'm obsessed. And turning into a fairly awful human because of it. Hungry Fitzalan isn't a pretty sight. Hungry, stressed Fitzalan is a full on nightmare.

Maybe I'm so obsessed because I feel like my weight is the one thing I should be able to completely control. Vapid, yes. Frustrating, yes. Is it adding to an overall unhappiness right now? Definitely. Now I just need to figure out how to climb back out of here because it isn't fair to me or any of the other people who have to interact with me. 

One Month Post-op Update

I had my second post-op doctor appointment yesterday since having foot surgery a little over a month ago. To tell you the truth, it hasn't gone as well as I'd like for the past week. While the foot held up well in Japan, it went down hill when I got home: increased swelling, pain and felt super hot. All the signs that healing had stopped. I was actually going backward.  My physical therapist first put me back in the boot but the foot kept getting worse, so then I was put back on crutches. 

These steps backward were super frustrating. Being stuck on the sofa with my leg elevated all day was hard to handle. I'm ready to be working out, moving freely, feeling normal. To me, I felt like I was being lazy and I didn't enjoy needing someone else to help me with lots of basic tasks. I was annoyed edging on bitter.

Fortunately, I had a doctor's appointment before heading off to China. I knew talking to him would help put me at ease. After a super long wait, the doctor walked in, checked out the foot and said it was healing wonderfully. I told him I had been put back in the boot and was so frustrated by the pain, swelling, etc. He looked at me and said, "Welcome to your next six months of life. This is completely normal and is going to happen again and again and again." 

He stressed icing and elevating when it flared and maybe going back in the boot and taking it easy, but when it calmed down, I should lead as normal of a life as possible. This news was so reassuring. I can handle pain. I can push through pain. And those are often my problems because I'm willing to ignore signs that something is wrong because I'm stubborn. It was nice to get the green light to behave this way and know I wasn't going to jeopardize the success of the surgery.

So this morning, I set off for Beijing. It's a short trip but I'm taking the boot. If I can switch into shoes, I will, but I figure China isn't the place where I need to be pushing it. I also have ice packs and will get ice on the plane, similar to last week's trip to Japan.

If you see someone limping through the Amsterdam airport later today, just give me a little extra space. Travel and people's lack of respect for personal space starts to sketch me out a bit when traveling with this tender foot of mine.

Eastward Travels to Japan

I've been spoiled for the past few weeks, even months, without having to wake up early. Following surgery, I let my body sleep as much as it needed and this really ranged from day to day. When the alarm went off at 6:30am yesterday, it was a little shock to the system. Fortunately, a hot shower and espresso got me in gear quickly, or so I thought....

I walked over to my tram station and got on my normal tram to the train station. Sadly, there is major construction and detours going on with Gent's public transportation and I ended up going in the complete wrong direction. I got off and had to hobble, a little faster than my foot would have liked, over to a different tram stop and then was properly under way. Luckily, I've learned many times that things can go wrong with Belgian public transportation, so I always build in a huge time cushion.

A quick Starbucks at the train station and I was on my way to Zaventem (Brussels airport). Ran into some friends from another team at the airport who were heading to the Tour of Hainan; it was nice to catch back up with work friends after not traveling for nearly two months. I had a short flight from Brussels to Amsterdam and then had to wait in maybe the longest immigration line to date while transferring through Amsterdam.

I headed straight to the KLM (Skyteam) lounge with hopes that I could use points/pay to upgrade to business class. I've been concerned about flying this far with my foot and thought a lay-flat bed couldn't hurt. I asked and the woman sadly told me that she had sold it just 10 minutes before. I was bummed but figured I shouldn't give up so easy. I sat down and did some work until it was basically time to board, then I reapproached her and asked if anyone in business hadn't made the flight. To my surprise, she said yes! We processed the transaction as quickly as possible and hobbled super fast to the gate as it was finishing boarding.

Flight attendants on KLM and Delta are always amazing and this flight was no different. I asked for ice for my foot and the flight attendant took amazing care of me from that point forward, continuously bringing me bags of ice wrapped in a towel. Super amazing service. They also made me a gluten free plate of food (no soy sauce, no miso, no tempura, etc), which was above and beyond my expectations. Sadly, I didn't sleep well though. My foot just hurt; there is no way around it. I wasn't comfortable no matter what I did.

We landed and I soon met up with a few riders from my team. We all grabbed much needed Starbucks and then started the journey to Utsunomiya, Japan. The Japan Cup is by far one of the best organized races in the world and everything flows seamlessly. We had a nice 10-passenger van for the 2.5 hour ride, where I proceeded to catch up on Teen Mom (one of my dirty little travel habits).

Since getting to the hotel, I ate a little food, iced my foot crawled into bed for a two-hour nap and then went out for an hour plus walk. My foot is still bothering me and I've been good about icing it. I'm glad to be back in sandals and not lace up shoes and hopefully it'll calm down if I take it easy for the rest of the day.

Snapshots from a Day in my Life

Instead of writing another post about my foot, I figured a day of photos might be slightly more entertaining. Another low-key, maybe even a little boring day, while I focus on recovering and building back up energy for some upcoming travel.

Little cold in the apartment when I woke up. A hoodie and cup of coffee asap.

Breakfast of fruit, yogurt and a little sunflower butter.

Morning of work, mainly prepping for my upcoming trips to Japan and China.

Lunchtime yoga session.

Quick FieldDay Coconut Bar counted as my lunch I headed out the door for physical therapy.

The walk to and from physical therapy served as my workout for the day. No crutches and only a boot felt like a major success!

Session of someone bending my toe back and forth. I'm not a real fan of this physical therapy. Put simply, it hurts and is boring.

Finally headed for a MUCH, MUCH needed haircut (it's been five months!)

First Belgian haircut in probably four years. I've been too scarred from the last hack job. I was very pleased by this trim and minor addition of side bangs.

Mailed my absentee ballot in before the deadline.

Fantastic dinner of chicken, avocado, bacon sandwich on gluten-free bread with a chipotle mayo. Side of homemade oven cooked fries and a organic tomato soup (which I was too full to eat).

I'll dream of this awesome sandwich for awhile. Perfection.

Super Boredom: 12 Days Post-Op

I'm going crazy. This whole not being able to bear weight is driving me nuts. This whole slowing down and recovering from surgery is driving me nuts. I've hit the wall. I'm back to being solo this weekend and woke up this morning feeling super achy and some pain. I had big plans of getting out, crutching around and enjoying the fall weather. Instead, I'm stuck on the couch watching TV. 

One of my brief escapes out into the real world. Proves to be one of my most exciting moments in the past week+.

I'm smarter than this; I've gone through a major surgery not just once, but twice before. I know that these first few weeks are meant for recovery and if I do it right, it'll pay dividends in the end. If I think about the advice I would give my 20 or 25-year-old self, I would tell her to chill out, work hard and know it'll all be okay. Instead, I spent my 20s filled with anxiety and worry that all my motivation and drive wouldn't pan out. That if I took a day off and slowed down, that it would all crumble.

Received some gorgeous flowers from one of my girlfriends. Aren't girlfriends the absolute best?! The blooms helped brighten up the sofa area.

Right now, I know I should be listening to that same advice....chill out, stay on top of my physical therapy and know that it'll all be okay. I'm not going to get fat and lazy. But mentally, it's proving to be such a struggle. I want to speed through this phase and be on to the next one. Maybe that's more of what I need to focus on--being okay with the now, even when the now means this. Learning to embrace the uncomfortable now probably is a skill I could use.

Surgery Recovery: Day 3

On Monday, I had maybe the most intimidating expat adventure to date--surgery. As I've explained before, I've been battling autoimmune-related arthritis in my feet for over a year now. I went and saw the doctor last week and he said there were no more non-surgical steps left to take. He said the recovery would see me off my feet for about three weeks and the full recovery is six months. Looking at my upcoming travel schedule, I knew I needed it done ASAP. So I booked surgery for Monday and spent the weekend basically trying to minimize total fear and still enjoy walking out in the sun. I think I had my own form of nesting take over, and I started making soups and muffins. Anything to direct all that nervous energy.

Waiting to get wheeled away. Every person questioned what foot and they kindly drew this arrow on my left leg.

The surgery was to take out my big toe joint, clean things up in there and add in screws. We showed up at the hospital at 8:30am, figured out the whole Belgian registration system and then sat in the day surgery waiting room for about an hour. After that, everything went quickly. I was rolled back by 10:15am and was into the post-op room by around 12:30pm. All the doctors and nurses were fantastic and made sure I understood everything that was going on. By 3:30pm, we were getting back to the apartment. 

All smiles heading into surgery. I was just eager to get it all over with and hopefully be on the path to less pained feet.

I won't share a picture of the actual wound because I think it'll gross out too many people. But I have about a 4-5 inch scar down the inside of my left foot starting up at the top joint and stretching down to about the arch. There are 10 stitches. I'm hoping it looks like a good shark bite once it heals.

All I've done for the past three days. It's getting old....very, very old.

Since getting home, I haven't left. It is starting to wear on me. I've spent all my time either on the couch or in bed and I'm antsy to move. There is only so much Netflix I can watch and Flipboard I can read. I'm pushing to get out later today but opinions are still mixed if that is a good idea. 

All that nesting worked out and I've been enjoying some amazing late summer corn chowder (link to recipe).

I was on a fair amount of pain meds the first 40 hours, but the pain started to decrease by yesterday afternoon. As of now, I'm only taking pain meds at night. That's when the pain is by far the worst. Feels like lashes of pain. Icing has actually proven to help with pain more than the actual pain meds, so I've been trying to ice it as much as possible. Pain meds and my stomach don't go together well, so I'll be happy when I'm totally off them. How people get addicted completely confuses me.

It is a look of fear and trepidation every time the nurse removes all the dressing and cleans it out. It hurts but I know it'll help with healing. I also like getting a chance to look at the wound and see how much its healed since the previous day.

One massive benefit of the Belgian health care system is that they send a nurse to the apartment every single day to check on me, clean up the wound and change the dressing. It is absolutely amazing and I look forward to seeing her every day and knowing my wound is being well kept. The first few days, it was bleeding so much that I was told I had to stay bedridden. But today, she said it looked fantastic and that I might be allowed to actually get out and about!

So far, so good on this crazy expat adventure.

Tackling Foreign Health Care

I'm spoiled with the Belgian healthcare system. As an American who still keeps insurance in the States, I'm paying and using both. When I signed up for Belgian insurance years ago, they gave me a sheet outlining the plans and their month costs. The Royals Royce of plans cost me €27.93 a month. That's right, basically $30 a month gets me amazing healthcare. I carry a Gold plan through Obamacare for more than $400 a month (just in case I get really sick or hurt and also one of my Crohn's drugs isn't approved in Europe, so I still go to my slew of US doctors annually.) and that basically gives me nothing.

It took me a few years of living here to feel comfortable with tackling the healthcare system. Before this year, I'd only gone to a general practice doctor when I was sick and a dentist when I cracked a tooth. But after a very expensive 2015 year in the US when it came to insurance and medical cost, I decided I had to figure out the Belgium system. Add in all my new health issues, and it simply made sense. I dipped my toe in by going to the dentist for a check up. I'm not a fan of the dentist but this experience went smoothly and my out-of-pocket costs (with x-rays) were around $10. I was sold. 

Regardless of the country, doctor's waiting rooms all look the same.

This January, my feet had deteriorated to the point that I knew I needed an expert. I found a foot orthopedic surgeon and my journey into the Belgian healthcare system began. I've now had x-rays, minor surgery and seen rheumatologists, a gastroenterologist and an acupuncturist. The wait for an appointment can be long, but I've learned that if you need to get in, they get you in.  There are times that I think they are a little more conservative in their approach than I would like and there is a sense of passing the buck around, but all in all, I'd say it's a good system.

Who would have thought my feet would lead to so much agony?! 

After my first trip to the hospital, I dreaded getting the mail and finding the bills. In America, I would be racking up thousands. My first bill for the x-rays came and I cringed while I opened the letter. The bill, obviously all written in Dutch, showed I owed €1.56 out of pocket per x-ray, so around $2 and that included getting them taken and getting them read. I was shocked.

Order for surgery. 

I'm about to dive into the Belgian health care system a little deeper. My foot issues have gotten worse and worse and after delaying nine months, my doctor decided I finally needed surgery. We scheduled it for this upcoming Monday. It is the best time of year to make this happen because I have a few weeks of no travel, so I'll spend that on the couch recovering. The Roommate will be home, so I'll have a nursemaid. I'm not looking forward to the surgery at all, (I'm actually quite terrified) but I am looking forward to walking pain free. He said that'll come about six months post-op. So here we go on another expat adventure.....