I'm still traveling home and I can already tell I need to disconnect and recover this weekend. It's been such a full few weeks and I really would like to appreciate and enjoy the weekend without feeling like I'm also juggling work. I want to simply flow through what it brings instead of checking off boxes on a to-do list.
So if I'm missing from here and social media, nothing is wrong. It means that I'm having quality me time without any distractions. Be back Monday!
Funny enough, yesterday would have been the one-month mark of writing every day. Figures it was the first day that I've missed a post. Life just got too crazy with one of the biggest interviews for the team, mixed with a team dinner out, and getting packed to fly back to Europe today. All excuses but I didn't really have any moments for me yesterday and writing was one of the first things I knew I could skip.
I'm back in motion and currently sitting in the Delta lounge at JFK before my flight back to Brussels. I always feel spoiled when I get to spend the day here. It's as good as any office. And once I'm home, I should be there for maybe up to three weeks! That sounds absolutely amazing. And the Roommate should be there for a little while. We haven't really seen each other since January training camp, so that's great news.
Blah.blah.blah. Yep, my brain is fried and all my attention is on getting home, so with that, I'm signing off.
As I said in a previous post, I grew up in a huge family. There was no such thing as an empty house or quietness, and I remember craving it. In my room at one of our houses, I had access to the attic's eves. I cleared one out and turned it into my hideaway. Some of my favorite time living there was hiding out and reading in there.
Then I headed to boarding school, followed by college and grad school, and a marriage. I lived alone for a while in grad school, but that was it. I either had roommates or lived with a boyfriend/partner for the next 15+ years.
It wasn't until moving to Belgium that I rediscover my love of solo time. The adjustment was painful and lonely as I learned to spend time with just me. But once I was over that hurdle, it felt like a warm, comforting bath. During crazy parts of the season or when I'm traveling with the team, it's hard to find solo time. Every meal is eaten as a group, and you work from basically sun up to sun down. When I'm home in Belgium, it's super easy to find me time; that's just called my normal.
But when I'm on the road, it isn't nearly as simple, but this week while in Atlanta, I've focused on finding quiet, me time. It's still been full work but finding micro me moments has allowed me to appreciate the shift between the extreme solo times (Belgium) and intense group living weeks (work) with ease.
I've lived out of a suitcase and on the road for several years, but it still amazes me how the transition throws me off every time. When I'm home, I get a little nervous about leaving. When I'm about to head home, I get anxious about all the free time and basic tasks like grocery shopping. Either way, I transition so quickly and seamlessly that it makes me slightly bemused that this still happens.
I'm heading out tomorrow for about 10 days but that'll include quite a few flights, time zone changes, and two contientents. It should be a great few days of work and I'm excited for what's to come. Food is the only thing that even brings me concern. Will I have access to food that I can eat? For the past few trips, I've packed a lot of backup food with me (cans of tuna, bags of lentil, protein powders and bars) but I'm kind of wing it for this trip. I'll throw in some protein powder and a few bars but otherwise, I'm going to figure it out on the way. That's all part of the adventure, right?
This post might sound absolutely ridiculous because I travel basically non-stop. What people don't know is that I rarely get to be a tourist. I spend most of my time in parking lots and hotels. I don't spend time visiting museums, eating at restaurants or seeing iconic landmarks. A race counts as a cultural experience if I manage to make it to a supermarket. So yes, I've visited all the continents except Antarctica, Yet, I rarely get a taste of the local culture. Instead, I judge these experiences based on hotel buffet, access to coffee and race transfers.
I'm home this weekend and loving it. Please realize that the weather still leaves much to be desired but that's Belgium.
On my Instagram feed, I'm seeing loads of photos of friends taking weekend trips skiing, to the beach or a jaunt to a city for a foodie trip. And I'm jealous. Typically, I go on one good 10-day vacation and a few weekend trips a year, but last year proved challenging, particularly due to the foot surgery, and basically none of that happened.
Now this year, the Roommate and I are passing ships in a storm (the closest I'll get to seeing him is potentially on TV during Strade today) and I get a bit lonely and jealous. I want to go for a long weekend somewhere and having a good dining companion. So instead of complaining or wallowing, I'm going to pull out the calendar and figure out ways to maximize. It probably won't happen until late May and after the Tour of California, but a great little vacation is in my future. Maybe a convertible rental car and somewhere along CA Route 1? A wine tasting adventure? A jaunt to Cabo to go fishing?? Ahhhh, the options!!!
It's pathetic, sad and I think a great glimpse into my life. When I'm on the road, I have no idea what day of the week it is. Sure, I know it's Stage 2 or 3, but if that falls on a Thursday, Sunday or Tuesday is totally lost on me. I also have no clue when I see my partner again, and that's equally okay.
I grew up in the typical American household and was spoiled to have my dad at dinner most nights. I worked a corporate job and lived my own adult version of a 9-5 life for six years after earning my Masters degree. For those that know me from then, remember Happiness Awaits? I struggled for a long time to find my place in this world---that delicate mix of happiness combined with drive and determination. Apparently, men's professional cycling was what I need. Additionally, my team is special, and we don't adhere to the same rules, goals, and expectations as other teams. We've set our own markers for success, and I truly feel that environment has allowed me to thrive.
Month-after-month, I clocking a ridiculous number of hours not just traveling but also simply doing the day-in, day-out tasks of my job. Sports compete on weekends, therefore I don't get weekends off. Normal business life work happens on weekdays, so.......that means I'm basically always working.
I feel spoiled, and I love this job. But at times, it can still be work. As in, I've spent two days traveling home from Abu Dhabi after 10 days of 12+ hour workdays. It is a Tuesday and I desperately need/want a day off but at this point in the season, that simply isn't an option. Maybe this weekend? Again, we race so maybe.
Additionally, this year has proven to be a comedy of 'errors' when it comes to my relationship with the Roommate. I went to Spain and upon flying out, he was already on a flight to Spain. No overlap. I flew to Dubai and he flew to Oman the day I was slated to return. When he flew back from Oman, I was on a plane to Abu Dhabi. Leaving Abu Dhabi, he's already driving to Strade Bianchi and spending nearly a month in Italy.
It isn't the weekend work that's hard. In our world's, last minute schedule changes are what break you. You believe you have a day off or a weekend together that you desperately need and then suddenly watch it disappear. It's hard and it can be a deal breaker in many relationships. It works for us for two reasons:
So if not seeing each other for a few weeks or even in this case, a few months is the worst it gets, I still feel like we are ridiculously spoiled and fortunate for the life we lead. And even more so that I've got a partner to enjoy and commiserate with through it all.
I go back and forth when it comes to social media and posting photos of my life. I never want to come across like I'm gloating, but I am fully aware that I live a very fortunate life.
I find myself in places I'd never expect to go, like the middle of the desert. I want to share these experiences because I know not everyone gets to see the world. I want to write about it so that I remember it. But I never want it to seem like I'm bragging.
It's not always romantic and beautiful. Yet, as a rule, I try not to focus on the negative in life. So I rarely mention details like the fact my hotel here is on the direct Abu Dhabi airport flight path. From about 2-3am, it seems like ~40 jumbo jets flyby the hotel. This meant my sleep was far from ideal. Or how many hours of a day that I spend crammed in the middle seat in the back of a car. Or that I don't stop working until 11pm....11:30pm....or 12am.
All of that is basically my normal. Those challenges add color, so maybe I should mention the less than ideal aspects of this lifestyle occassionally, but at the end of every day, I know I'm getting to live a pretty charmed life.
I hear this list is floating around on Facebook and my mom and sister thought it'd be fun if I did my version. Apparently most Americans only have eight. I have 66 and that definitely isn't a complete list. I have many places that aren’t even on this list. Like the text message I got today:
I’ve also been to Poland, Turkey, Sweden, Portugal, Poland, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Cape Verde, Monaco, Andorra and a few other places that aren’t listed. And here I am looking at the list below as an outline for places I need to prioritize and get to soon.
That list has 99 places, so I've hit roughly 67%. Obviously, I need to get that into the 80th percentile at a minimum simply as a bucket list item.
You'd think I'd be pretty good at it by now. I live on planes and constantly move around the world. I pride myself on being an expert at hacking jet lag.
And then this silly three-hour time change killed me earlier this week. I think it was due to the fact it took two days to get from Belgium to Abu Dhabi. I left Sunday midday, slept in an airport hotel in Milan, and finally arrived at my hotel in Abu Dhabi late on Monday night.
I was exhausted and hadn't eaten a real meal since dinner Saturday night when I crawled into bed on Monday. I expected to sleep like the dead. Instead, I counted sheep. I tried everything, meditation, sleep apps, drugs, hot shower, wine, etc. Nothing helped. I think it was a mix of sheer exhaustion and hunger that wouldn't let my body relax. Around 3 am, I finally drifted off only to wake up about four hours later.
I've been here three days and it still hasn't gotten much better. I'm surviving off caffeine in a way that's a little pathetic for a three-hour time change. I need to prioritize sleep tonight, otherwise, I'll be totally smashed after a few race days. Thanks Abu Dhabi for keeping me humble on my traveling skills.
Eating in Dubai has been...fairly boring. I ate race buffet 90% of the time, which means the same exact meal, every time. It's simply too expensive to eat elsewhere when food is provided. Thanks to being gluten and dairy free, this definitely limited my choices and I ended up eating basically the same thing every day. It wasn't very inspiring.
And that was it. The same nearly single day, especially for breakfast.
So, by this morning, I'd hit a wall. I was staying in Dubai for an extra day to do some additional work and there was no longer a race buffet. I did a fancy dance, a full-on celebration and loaded up my plate. What you see above isn't everything I ate. It got a little out of control, quickly. There was another plate of veggies and then some scrambled eggs. I was so excited for the variety that I couldn't hold myself back.
Tomorrow--I head back to Belgium for a little bit. I already have all my meals for the next week worked out in my mind.
Living out of a suitcase and constantly moving around the glove is a lifestyle that wouldn't suit many people. Combine that with your only home being a strange foreign country and I'm basically always living in total chaos and tackling the unknown.
After nearly 10 hours of straight work and more still to do, I snuck down to the beach to read a bit and watch the sunset.
I think a common phrase said within the bike racing community is, "this isn't a job for many could handle, but for those of us who can, we are the luckiest people in the world."
I'm grateful and spoiled that I have a job where when I tell someone sitting next to me on a plane what I do, their eyes expand and they immediately tell me how jealous or lucky I am. Trust me, I know.
Who knows how long I'll do this for. I'm applying the advice of Neil Gaimon, "I tended to do anything as long as it felt like an adventure and stopped when it felt like work.”
Right now, Dubai feels just right. It's an adventure; it's strange; it's fascinating and I'll be happy to be back on the move come Monday and on to the next adventure.
I arrived home last Sunday and knew I was leaving Saturday. It’s always an awkward adjustment when you already know you leave so soon. I don’t feel home, but I don’t feel anywhere else. It is strange, off-putting and probably a huge reason why I never got around to grocery shoppin
While I ate delivery or take out basically every night (and one night I just ate a bag of potato chips), I still tried to prioritize me and grabbed a few moments before racing begins, and I lose nearly all resemblance of a private, ‘normal’ life.
Every morning, even if I was waking up at 6:15 am, I stayed in bed for a few extras moments to simply enjoy it. While I get to stay in some lovely hotels, nowhere is as good as my own bed. So, I’d stay in bed and read through the news, a quick glance at Instagram, journal and then do a 10-minute Headspace meditation session. Grabbing this me time meant I felt centered and calm before checking my email and the craziness began. I also tried to work out daily.
The Roommate strongly encouraged (left cash on the table before he left) getting a massage. A new place opened near the apartment, so I had no excuse. I escaped over lunch and had one of the best sports massages in years. It was one of those grit your teeth, but it felt so good types of massages. I spend a lot of time folded into small airplane seats, driving a car or sitting in front of a computer. My body and head are better when I get into a routine of body work, and I’m going to try and prioritize a monthly massage. Biweekly if I’m home.
I even made it to the movies one night with a girlfriend and saw LaLaLand. I liked it, truly enjoyed certain moments, but it wasn’t the best thing I’d ever seen.
The week was full gas, full gas, full gas. I was working 12-15 hour days all week, so on Saturday; I tried to get basic life back in order before hitting the road that afternoon. Trash, downloading movies, paying bills and cleaning up for when the roommate passes back through.
I'm in route to Dubai--a wonderful race with great weather, an amazing hotel, and a solid race buffet. I like starting the season this way.
