Impending Travel Days

I've lived out of a suitcase and on the road for several years, but it still amazes me how the transition throws me off every time. When I'm home, I get a little nervous about leaving. When I'm about to head home, I get anxious about all the free time and basic tasks like grocery shopping. Either way, I transition so quickly and seamlessly that it makes me slightly bemused that this still happens.

I'm heading out tomorrow for about 10 days but that'll include quite a few flights, time zone changes, and two contientents. It should be a great few days of work and I'm excited for what's to come. Food is the only thing that even brings me concern. Will I have access to food that I can eat? For the past few trips, I've packed a lot of backup food with me (cans of tuna, bags of lentil, protein powders and bars) but I'm kind of wing it for this trip. I'll throw in some protein powder and a few bars but otherwise, I'm going to figure it out on the way. That's all part of the adventure, right?

Unwrapping Food

I write about food on here frequently, but I rarely talk about my relationship with food. Like many people, mine is dynamic and I'm working on peeling back the layers to better understand that relationship. I often feel like food is an aspect of my life that I'm blindly figuring out, yet I know it has such a direct impact on my health and everyday life. I feel like figuring all that out will help me find a better balance.

For as long as I remember, food has been my enemy. This isn't in an eating disorder way, instead, food and I don't agree. As a child, apparently I couldn't be taken out of the house until I was like 2 years old because I was a projectile vomiter, Exorcist-style. I was born with a dairy allergy and I don't think I ever grew out of it. Like any kid, I loved sweets, candy and ice cream but all of this made me feel sick. I hated pizza, something no one could understand, and it was because of how sick and uncomfortable it made me feel. I didn't know this was abnormal; I thought everyone felt this way after they ate. 

Around age 10, my relationship and identity with food took another turn. A direct family member decided I only should eat salads for lunch and told me I was getting fat. I was only allowed to eat the amount and types of food they determined were okay. Again, I didn't know this was abnormal; I thought everyone went through this. So on top of food not making me feel good, I felt like it was naughty.

At 16, I was diagnosed with crohn's disease and spent the next ~10 years off and on prednisone fiarly regularly. I fluctuated from underweight to the steroid moonface. Another defining moment was when that same person told me that I was so fat that I was starting to embarrass the family. 

Above left: I'm the middle kid. This is about the age when I was told I needed to eat salads and learn to hold my stomach in at all times because I was getting fat. Above center and right: Junior year in high school and around the time I was told I was an embarrassment to be seen with because I was so fat. I think I probably weigh about the same today as I did then.

By 23, I was diagnosed with celiacs disease and since then a whole host of other autoimmune conditions and food allergies. Eating feels like walking through a minefield. Will it make me feel good or will it leave me feeling awful, sick and lethargic? Mix that with the ingrained belief that not eating is the best option and my relationship with food is a bit dynamic on a good day and a near nightmarish challenge on a bad day. I've never had a true eating disorder or had my own personal motivations/demons to be the skinniest person in the room; instead, I kept getting told by an outside source that my goals should be to be the skinniest version of me possible.

And I've been the skinniest version of me. Typically, it occurs when I'm having a flare-up, running a low-grade fever for weeks and/or not being able to eat much. I've been at points in my life where I've had to work to gain weight. And guess what, I didn't like it. I had no energy and I didn't feel good. I have no desire to be that person. Yet when I've been there, I get told I have the most amazing arms ever and I should work to try and keep those. All these inputs somehow get scrambled and leave me confused about how to make good food choices. Or make choices that don't leave me feeling guilty.

For me, my aim is to be the strongest version of me, definitely not the skinniest. I want the version of me that has energy to tackle the day, feels good after I eat something (without pain or regret) and moves on to the next thing. Coming to Belgium has helped a lot. Over the past five years, I've taken the time to prioritize enjoying nice meals and sipping good drinks. I deal with the flares and I haven't gained any real weight, despite the fact that I let myself eat all the foods I was raised to think were off-limits and bad. I do try to avoid my food allergies and prioritize keeping my crohn's calm above basically everything else.

Do I have it all figured out? No. Do I have a tendency to always think I should eat as little as possible? Yes. But I'm slowing shedding that part of me. I still battle the voice in my head that tells me I shouldn't eat or that less is always better. Living in Belgium has helped immensely and I'm slowly getting to the point where simply feeding myself healthy, real food when my body is hungry and indulging occasionally are what guide me. That and just being happy. Above all, I just want a relationship with food that is calm.

Weekend of Food Prep

I have a whole additional week at home and this makes me very happy. Work continues to be crazy, so losing a day or two to travel means I'm left working super long days the rest of the week and never get a day off. This weekend, I intentionally avoided work. It seems a little pathetic, but that was harder than it seems. Yet, I knew I needed to recharge; I've noticed lately I was getting impatient and frustrated than I'd like. Looking forward, I head back to the Middle East next week for another race, so I'm trying to enjoy home and be a little bit of a hermit. As the Roommate tells me, "Put extra sleep and recovery into the bank now while you can."

So my expat life isn't all the sexy and exciting this week. I'll work, work out, watch TV or read and repeat. To avoid another delivery food week, I spent all day yesterday doing food prep. Some of it can be eaten now, but a lot of it was fermented foods that take a few weeks. I've been doing water kefir and other ferments for about a year now (all goes along with the gluten-free, dairy-free, etc diet) and I truly notice a difference. It isn't a huge one...more subtle. As in, I notice when I stop eating ferments, pro and pre-biotics. I just feel sluggish. Over the weekend, I got some sauerkraut (takes about 3 weeks), kimchi (takes anywhere from 1 week to 3 weeks) and water kefir salsa (only take 2-3 days) going. I also made some egg cups to eat for breakfast and bread and butter pickles....because they are awesome.

I have no excuse to eat out or eat crap this week. I'm notoriously bad at grabbing bad snacks or simply not eating during the day if something isn't prepped and easy to eat right in front of me. I tried to be smart and got ahead of all of that and hopefully will have some good eats all week. And I already have a food date out on Wednesday for Mexican...and I'm excited!

Now back to tackling my Monday! 

The Night I ate Potato Chips for Dinner and Other Musings

It's been that kind of week. It's actually been that kind of month but for two weeks of it, I was at training camp in a nice hotel where there was a healthy, tasty buffet with a good variety of foods and someone to give me fresh laundry and clean towels every day. Having someone else handle all the basic necessities in life meant I could handle working all day and still smoothly flow through the day.

It's a bit pathetic, but I never went to the grocery store this week. I have worked 12-15 days and I just didn't have the time nor the effort. If I was going to have a little bit of free time, I was either working out or wanted to have some normal, social time.  (I got to grab a movie this week and it felt amazing to just go sit in a theatre. So normal!)

• Tuesday night: Deliveroo from a Korean place. Bibimbap and rice with kimchi. It was good but cost more than I thought it deserved. But super fresh and if I didn't care about price, a win.
• Wednesday night: Frozen "carrot noodle" soup buried in the depths of the freezer. Also sustained me over lunches. Eggs of served as breakfast. I was smart enough to grab a dozen of fresh ones when I got home.
• Thursday night: a 1/2 a bag of Walker's Deli Modena balsamic potato chips. I loved them and I'm a little ashamed of that. I did sneak in some (defrosted) frozen peas as I headed to bed because otherwise, life seemed to be going off the rails.
• Friday night: Takeout from Le Botaniste. I learned my lesson from the overpriced Korean place and could use the extra steps, so I decided to walk and get take out. It was heavenly. Organic. Vegan. Gluten-free. And I have a few leftovers for tomorrow's lunch.

It was a crazy week. And the start of many crazy weeks. Probably six months worth of crazy weeks. I decided on Tuesday that if I am going to handle this, I need to outsource the things I can. Someone else might need to cook my food, (still in a healthy way) and that's one option that I can choose to relieve some stress. Maybe my next month will be a maid? 

Monday: Day in Eats

Apparently, my main topic lately is eating. To be honest, when I'm home and the Roommate is also here, eating is the main entertainment of the day. There are few things I love more than food. This is nothing new and definitely isn't a new Belgian hobby. I just happened to start living with a guy who might match my fervor for food. He'd actually disagree: I read blogs and articles about food. I talk about food. I dream about food. He simply really likes to make and eat good food.

After the past few weeks of super heavy eating, I'm trying to dial it back a little. So here is a glimpse at my eats now that we are into the new year.

Breakfast: To know me is to know that I love eggs. Any way, any meal, all day. I'm one of those people who see them as the perfect food and I typically eat a few eggs for breakfast most days. I'm also a fermenter. For this photo, I added homemade pickled red onions and fermented red peppers. The only exception to my egg eating is when I'm insanely busy, at a race hotel that doesn't have eggs (or already added milk or cheese) or I'm just too lazy.

Lunch: Some days, I have a mid morning snack, some days no. For lunch, I typically need something fast. Even though I work at home when I'm not at a race, I don't really take a lunch break. So I look for something I can throw in a pan and return to 5-10 minutes later. Today, it was leftover chili with homemade gluten-free, dairy-free cornbread. The bread was a bit too dry but the chili was fantastic.

Post-Lunch: A glass of water kefir. This is my super crunchy granola hippy side showing through. I make my own water kefir. This is flavored with raisins and vanilla and taste just like cream soda. Healthy and insanely tasty.

Afternoon Snack: Half a perfectly ripe avocado with salt and pepper.

Dinner prep: Making dinner together is one of the roommate and I's favorite past times. We have a super small kitchen but we've figured out how to work well together without stepping on toes.

Dinner: This is my new favorite meal. We actually started with the plan to make a taco salad and it morphed into Romaine Lettuce Tacos. Filled with baked chicken, corn, beans, roasted tomatoes, loads of cilantro, avocados and a sauce with soy yogurt, vinegar, and more cilantro. I felt like I could eat to my heart's desire and it was all so healthy and tasty.

Food, Food, Food: China Edition

For my Beijing trip, I was only there for less than 70 hours, so I wasn't quite as concerned as my Japan trip-- foodwise. I didn't pack nearly as much emergency foods. I knew that I would mainly be eating in restaurants, so I figured I'd have control over my gluten, dairy, peanut and banana intake. I also figured that while in China, I needed to just go with the flow. To my surprise, it was quite easy to stick to my diet and the food was always very tasty.

On the first night, I had an early dinner at the hotel's main restaurant, which had both Asian and western options. I started with the egg white soup with shrimp and scallops. For the main, I had a Thai beef salad. Whenever I'm super jet lagged, I tend to have a much smaller appetite and soup and salad was the perfect light option.

Every morning, I had the exact same breakfast: congee with pickled vegetables, fresh fruit, two hard boiled eggs whites and a coffee with soy milk. This is actually what I try to eat every morning when I'm on the road, both personally, at a race or for meetings. 

I was actually pretty pleased to stay with my normal foods. The hotel had a massive breakfast buffet and 95% of it was foods that I was super confused by and couldn't understand how you could eat for breakfast. Lots of fried, rich and heavy foods. And things I couldn't identify. That's why once I found the congee, fruit and hard boiled eggs, I stuck with it every morning.

On Monday night, I ate with my athletes at their hotel (about five minutes away from my hotel). We were all just too tired to put in any effort to find somewhere else to eat. Their hotel restaurant had a massive menu. We kept picking things but the waiter would tell us it wasn't available. This went on for awhile until we all basically ended up with vague resemblances of what we wanted. I got a beef and vegetable dish and ordered what I thought were grilled green beans on the side. Instead, they were hot peppers. I don't shy away from spicy foods, despite my Crohn's, and these peppers turned into an eating competition. I definitely lost but still managed to get down quite a few. I think my mouth is still burning.

On the final night, I ate at my hotel's Asian restaurant. It was pretty large and wide open. I was lame and arrived at about 6:15pm; I was the only person there. They had me sit front and center in the middle of the restaurant. Let's just say I was left feeling a little exposed and awkward.

I fell in love with this crab/lobster picker that came with my place setting. So adorable! 

For dinner, I ordered a mushroom soup in a super basic broth. It was light and fresh. Then for my main, I had the seasonal hairy crab with asparagus and more mushrooms. I grew up in the mid-Atlanta US region, so crabs hold a close place to my heart. It was a fun experience but this little guy didn't have much meat. Definitely more work than filling! But the big plate of asparagus and mushrooms made up for that and I headed to bed satisfied.

After traveling to both China and Japan in the past two weeks, I would say that I preferred all the fresh fish in Japan over what I ate in Beijing. But I was impressed with the food I had in Beijing. I had heard such mixed reviews about dining in China. I'm sure it is very different in the rural areas, but Beijing was a win. I enjoyed trying all the new foods and I was glad that I could stick with my eat habits, both mainly gluten and dairy free along with loads of fresh fruit and veggies.

Food, Food, Food: Japan Edition

Usually, I don’t have much control over when, where or what I eat when I’m at a race, but Japan is slightly different. I think everyone knows how lucky we are to be in Japan, so there is a little more leniency to go explore and enjoy the local fare instead of always eating hotel buffets. My personal aim was to eat raw fish as frequently as possible.

I wasn’t great with staying gluten-free but I also wasn’t terrible. There was only one night where I actually didn’t care at all. I had worked late doing many, many, many interviews and by the time I could go eat, only two other coworkers hadn’t eaten. It was Friday night and we wandered around for quite awhile trying to find somewhere that was open, had seats and would take credit cards.

We eventually settled on what I would describe as a Japanese pub; it was the type of place you take your shoes off and then sit on the floor around a bar. We let the bartender/waitress pick what we ate and it was quite the experience. All the other diners adored us, despite the fact none of us could communicate with each other. It gave us that true ‘local’ experience that I always look for in my travels.

Utsunomiya is known for its gyoza, which I had never tried and it definitely didn’t disappoint. We also had edamame, soba noodles and a salmon and rice dish.

I was glad I had packed all my snacks, especially on the two race days. The road race is in the middle of a forest and there are literally no options except for the sandwiches the race provides. I stuck with a can of tuna fish and my muffins. I also used the coconut milk and teff every morning; our hotel breakfast was not quite to my taste.

One of the most memorable dishes I ate was actually at the Tokyo train station. I googled breakfast places while on the train and found Tsukiji Sushisay Honten. When I got there, I had three choices, two ochazukes and one sashimi. I just randomly pointed to one of the ochazukes. It was such a perfect meal of chopped up salmon belly that you poured savory tea broth on. Mix in some rice and little rice crackers and it was truly one of the best things I’ve ever tasted. A few tamago slices and ginger and I was set for my day of travel.

Traveling to Asia: Gluten and Dairy free

One of the favorite reasons why I love the Japan Cup is the absolutely delicious food; I adore sushi. But in years past, I wasn't gluten or dairy free, which vastly changes things. I leave for Japan tomorrow and now I have to avoid soy sauce and can't enjoy all those tasty soba noodles. I've done a little research and it seems eating gluten free is nearly impossible in Japan, so I've packed loads of snacks to get me through the long flights and then several days on the ground in Japan. (I also made some homemade muffins and 'granola' bars which aren't included below.)

Not quite all of the above made it into my suitcase because well....I don't want it to weigh nine million pounds. I only took a few of the small olive oil and vinegar squeezes and only enough coconut milk powder and teff for a few days. I also split all of this into two pouches, one for my long day of flying and the rest checked into my suitcase. Here is the total haul: 

• Justin Almond Butter
• MiniOliva
• Coconut Milk Powder
• Lentil, rice and sesame mix
• Mexican Tuna Salad (I promise I won't eat this one on the airplane!)
• Teff (similar to oatmeal except I can't eat oats)
• Corn waffles with salt
• Organic, gluten-free gummy bears
• Tamari (gluten free soy sauce)
• Lots of bars
  • Raw Bite bar
  • Wild Thing bars
  • Nakd Toffee Treats
  • Life Bar
  • Beet Boost

I have an emergency pack that I keep in my backpack at all times, so not just for flights but also for race days. This includes:

• Aloha Chocolate Protein powder (dairy free)
• Variety of teas, both with and without caffeine
• EmergenC
• Scharffen Bergen Mocha Bar
• RooBar
• CleverSnack
• Clif Shot and glucose tabs

When I'm dealing with extreme time zone changes and long flights, I really try to stay hydrated. The first thing in the morning, I ingest copious amounts of caffeine. Then at night, I try to get in as much sleepy time teas with chamomile or valerian root. I also just enjoy options.

I head to the airport early tomorrow morning. I'm hoping I've packed the perfect amount of foods...enough to get me through but not too much that I'm bringing any back. Now off to the next adventure!

Snapshots from a Day in my Life

Instead of writing another post about my foot, I figured a day of photos might be slightly more entertaining. Another low-key, maybe even a little boring day, while I focus on recovering and building back up energy for some upcoming travel.

Little cold in the apartment when I woke up. A hoodie and cup of coffee asap.

Breakfast of fruit, yogurt and a little sunflower butter.

Morning of work, mainly prepping for my upcoming trips to Japan and China.

Lunchtime yoga session.

Quick FieldDay Coconut Bar counted as my lunch I headed out the door for physical therapy.

The walk to and from physical therapy served as my workout for the day. No crutches and only a boot felt like a major success!

Session of someone bending my toe back and forth. I'm not a real fan of this physical therapy. Put simply, it hurts and is boring.

Finally headed for a MUCH, MUCH needed haircut (it's been five months!)

First Belgian haircut in probably four years. I've been too scarred from the last hack job. I was very pleased by this trim and minor addition of side bangs.

Mailed my absentee ballot in before the deadline.

Fantastic dinner of chicken, avocado, bacon sandwich on gluten-free bread with a chipotle mayo. Side of homemade oven cooked fries and a organic tomato soup (which I was too full to eat).

I'll dream of this awesome sandwich for awhile. Perfection.

Spoiled by Volta

When I found out I was going to need surgery (fairly unexpectedly and with very short notice), I threw all caution to the wind and went out for an extravagant dinner at Volta that same evening. I figured I couldn't take anything for granted (maybe slightly dramatic) and loads of delicious food was on my bucket list. Out went all my dietary restrictions and beliefs that calories mattered and in came a multi-course meal that was just what I needed before being bedridden for days, and days, and days....

I've wanted to eat at Volta ever since moving to Gent and maybe even a little before that. It's set in an incredible building situated along one of the city's park. The chef always gets great reviews and my doctor's office happened to be right around the corner, so it seemed like the right time to let them indulge us.

Three amuse-bouches to start - the mussels were one of the best bites of the evening - and several decadent courses followed. My favorite was by far the wild duck with foie gras. A delicious fruit dessert and then, I said yes to the cheese cart. A round of post-meal amuse-bouches concluded the eating and then an espresso to finish it all off. We had memorable wines paired throughout the meal. I would say that Volta is now, without a hint of a doubt, my favorite high-end restaurant in Gent. It was a wonderful experience from start to finish, with attentive and friendly waitstaff, super interesting decor and fantastic food.

It concluded with a nice long walk home to work off some of the delicious food and enjoy the fact I could still walk for a few more days.

Eats on the Road: Travel Day

As a general rule, I try to avoid plane food. I'm willing to say I've never eaten a plane meal and thought, "Mmmm, that was delicious. I'm happy I ate it." But thanks to a blood sugar issue, I can't skip eating, so I plan ahead and bring snacks.

Took a piece of fruit from home and grabbed a soy latte and sparkling water at the train station. Ate most of it on the train to the Brussels Airport. It was a shockingly bad latte.

I spend a lot of time on planes, so eating healthy is pretty important to me. If I let every travel day be a "cheat" day, then it'd quickly catch up with me. And the food is never worth it. So I try to stick to fruits, veggies and the occasional bar.

My sister found me these Julian Bakery bars and I've since ordered a box of the sunflower butter ones. Only 150 calories, 20 grams of protein and gluten, peanut and dairy free. They aren't super delicious, but they aren't bad...which is actually what I want. I want to eat it because I need food, not because I'm bored and just snacking.

When I flew to the US last weekend, I took with me a variety of snacks so I could pass on the sad chicken salad or the "before we land" snack. Being peanut and gluten free, this means I skip on the peanuts and pretzels. (I do get excited when flights hand out cashews or almonds...) 

I wish I had some salsa to enjoy with these Party-Tizers Dippin Chips but felt good to get in some veggies as part of my salty snack.

Last week's trip left Brussels, passed through Prague before landing at JFK. Many of these snacks came from my Love With Food gluten-free snack box subscription. So excited they deliver to Belgium!

I'm a super fan of these Got Snacks Roasted Coconut Chips in cinnamon honey. I kept trying to put them down but in about five minutes, I'd eaten the whole bag.

When I travel, I try to get a meal or at least grab something to go during a layover.  The Prague Airport was a little lacking. There was a juice bar, but it was closed while the staff went on break at noon......really?! Everything else was just....no.

This is why I try to steer clear of the unhealthy snacks...I have zero self-control. I probably had three (maybe four) mugs of potato chips. And I don't regret it.

Instead of grabbing sub pair food, I hit the lounge where I ate my body weight in potato chips and a few splashes (glasses) of only okay wine. I'm not always so good at that whole 'don't drink while flying' advice, but at least I try to offset it with loads of water.

Solo Living in a Foreign Country

After nearly five years I've adjusted to being alone in a foreign country, but when I first arrived, loneliness and fear were nearly debilitating. If I let my mind start running, I could come up with a million problems where the solution would be crazy impossible to solve. Even now, knowing that you don't have anyone to fall back on, or even someone to problem solve with, gets excruciatingly scary.

A quick throwback to the time the door handle broke while I was inside.... about a month into moving to Belgium. The closest human I knew was in Qatar.  I was trapped.

Despite having a Roommate, I spend the vast majority of my time alone in Belgium. Sure, I have a few friends that would help me out, but most of my support group is located thousands of miles away. With time zone differences, simply talking to my friends gets challenging.

Getting out and enjoying this city is one of my daily aims, especially when the sun is shining.

Fortunately, my Dutch language skills are strong enough where basic interactions are  easy, but that wasn't always the case. I moved to a small town in Belgium during a particularly miserable winter without any knowledge of Dutch, friends or the area. The first few months were insanely lonely...insanely lonely. Eventually, I forced myself to make friends and went to Dutch classes. Both of those things, particularly the classes, really helped make the transition from being scared to being okay.

Cooking full and complete meals, even if they are only for me, helps with feeling more normal and adjusted to life here. I look forward to grocery shopping and excited about what I can make, even if I'm not sharing. Obviously, Mexican is one of my most common themes.

Now I live in a much larger city, which helps, but I still have to tackle things solo. When you live in a foreign country, simple tasks can get tough...like the time I forgot it was Belgium Independence Day. I tend to be a regular at cafes where I feel comfortable dining solo. Over the years, I have actually grown to enjoy going to the movies solo; it now feels like a treat.

Getting out and exploring, typically by foot, is one of my favorite workouts and ways to see the city. 

With my new fishing obsession (actually not new... I've fished since childhood), this week I'm pushing myself to go to the bait and tackle store solo. I think my hangup on this issue is the fact I'm female. I know it's a little strange, and I'll get looked at for buying worms and heading out to parks to fish solo...yet I don't want to stop my hobby. Typically, beating to my own drum is my theme....yet being a lonely foreigner in a strange country...it can get a little too hard.

Nothing like being the only female in the store...and then one speaking a funny foreign language. It's a little more attention than I like to attract.

Over the past few years, I've embraced this feeling of tackling a challenge. I think I almost thrive feeling a little awkward and uncomfortable. I also think that is absolutely vital to my success here. I feel fortunate and so lucky to be on this adventure and every day I remind myself that I don't want to look back and feel I missed out on something because I was scared. Even at times when I'm solo, I want to live this crazy experience as largely as possible.