Aligning on Abundance

Aligning on abundance, say what?! Those seem just like funny words strung together. But it's actually a mindset I try to focus on. It doesn't mean having the most money in the world or owning a closet full of shoes, it is more a broader mentality that I try to approach life with. Something more like focusing your aims and intentions on garnering life's riches.

For the last week, maybe longer, I've sort of lost that path. I think it was clear in my writing that I was in a more negative place than I like to be. I don't think that's any one person or thing's fault, I actually take all that responsibility on myself. For the past week or so, I simply focused on doing and acting for other people. Sure, at times I thought about, "what do I need or want" but that was pretty rare and I feel that was a universal fault of mine. I'm happier and everyone else is happier when decisions are made from that positive place of "what do I need or want".

Today, I slowed down and tackled the day with that intention. Sure, I still worked probably 6-8 hours. But I also stopped by and saw a friend, got out for a 7-kilometer walk, snuck in some yoga and made a dinner that fed my soul (white bean soup and grilled salmon salad). The reason that I was able to get myself to a happier place was that I tried to make decisions based on what would bring me the most joy and happiness. "What do I need or what"?

It might be strange for some, but my work brings me such joy and happiness. I absolutely adore my job and even more so, I love my riders and this unique project. We are at a big race in Italy and they are riding like rockstars. I love being able to showcase that. Most people wouldn't want to work on a Saturday, but I have so many goals I want to achieve professionally for this project this year, that it means I want to work on a Saturday. And most likely another full day again tomorrow on a Sunday. I want to know that I'm putting in all the effort that I can to help us succeed.

This shift in mentality was greater than just work. I also decided it was time to let go of the whole pre-surgery weight battle. Every year, my happiest weight, confidence, and food times are around the US races--Tour of California, Utah and Colorado. Today, I tried to figure out why and a large part of it is just being back in the States and having familiar foods. But it's also greater than that. When I'm in the US, I let myself enjoy because I know I'm not going to get tacos, roasted hatch chilies or a local California pinot again anytime soon. I prioritize the good things and somehow everything else falls into place. It dawned on me today that maybe I should prioritize the good things, live life now as if it was where I wanted it to be and then simply see what happens? No more focusing on the I shouldn't or I can't have or do...yet also taking a moment when making decisions to ensure they are the right ones. Not just blindly doing this. That's why the US model works--I know to appreciate.

Life has taught me that focusing on the good things won't let you down....so why not focus on an abundance of good things? And let's see where this leads.....

Anticipation and Expectations

Warning, this is another lame post. After yesterday's post, I was hoping I'd get to write a positive, glowing post revealing some details after that somewhat vague write-up. But no. Instead, I'm back in limbo for another month.

There is really no other way to put it but I'm sad. I'm not sure why or where I came up with the notion that I'd have an answer today, but that didn't happen. Without going into too many details, I think I'm mainly let down by my expectations. That's what is leaving my bummed on the day. Overall, the day went fine...possibly even went positive. And I haven't been deported. I just wanted some answers and a little resolve after all the worrying and stressing I've been going through.

So instead, I regroup. Resilience is one of my fortes. I'll put my head down, get some work done tomorrow even though it's Saturday (apologies to all those unanswered emails today...) and maybe take it a little easy after playing entertainer for the week. A calm, quiet weekend at home sounds luxurious and restorative.

 I'll be back tomorrow. With a little more spark and joie de vivre, I promise. I know I've got it pretty good with this life I lead......

Tomorrow: March 10th

Tomorrow is an incredibly important day for my life, my career, sort of my everything. The date has been looming for nearly three months and a lot of things come down to a decision. This has nothing to do with my team nor my employer. More the country I live in.

Basically, send me super good wishes and warm thoughts from tonight through tomorrow afternoon Euro time. Hopefully, I'll have a joyful and gleeful post tomorrow evening that'll be a bit more informative. 

Battling Future Thinking

Like any Type A personality, I battle with stress and anxiety, especially when it comes to control. I guess you could say I have some control issues. While I live and work in a world that is constantly in flux (and I can handle all that fairly seamlessly), it's the little things that I want to have complete control over. Sure, I never know if I'll be home or traveling in a week from now and that causes no issues. If I wake up to more tasks, errands or chores than expected, I may freak. Overall, it's the weight and to-do list that wreaks havoc. 

I find myself thinking, 'when I get back to my pre-surgery weight, I can be happy and have a little more flexibility.' Maybe enjoy what I'm eating. Or 'after June, the Tour of California and work calming down, I can relax and find some free time for a hobby or two.' Maybe enjoy going to a movie or taking an afternoon off. 

I  think it's this future thinking that causes my anxiety and stress. I do it because it helps me compartmentalize and soldier on but it means that if even the slightest fluctuation from my planned scheduled makes me feel like I failed. I feel I didn't work hard enough. I wasn't focused enough. I didn't give it my all. 

Let me tell you, that's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. And it isn't all that helpful. All I honestly have control over is right now, and even then it isn't control. It's more a flow of making decisions. My aim should be 'make more good decisions than bad ones.' Not 'make every decision exactly right.'

And to be honest, life isn't going to be perfect, flexible and easy once I get back to the pre-surgery weight or when work lightens up. It'll be something else that will keep tensions high. So I'm going to keep focusing on making good, healthy and positive choices now and hopefully, all those little steps will keep me on a good path. 

Values and Goals

Last May, I spent time thinking and writing out my values and goals. I had reached a point where I was getting bored and didn't feel like I was pushing myself or growing. I also knew I had numerous negative influences in life but had no idea how to address them. Putting thoughts on paper gave me some direction to get through the craziness of life that was pulling me all over the place. A beacon to center things.

I remember sitting at outside at a pool at an airport hotel in California and thinking through where I wanted life to take me. I wrote out values and goals for my career, relationships, personal habits (including health) and finances. Nothing was super specific as in, I want to achieve X, Y or Z. It is more focused on intention. 

For example, the one for Financial said, “Maintain a balance between short-term fun and long-term security”. Relationships said, “Aim for symbiotic relationships that focus on mutual support, understanding, love and kindness.”

What’s been surprising is that my life has shifted and changed so vastly since I wrote down these goals. It now reflects these goals more than I ever thought possible, especially the career and personal ones. Almost like magic. 

I’m sure the fact that when I would make a decision, I would often reflect if that choice fits within these goals, played a big role in the shift. But it felt bigger than that. More powerful

Now that it’s almost been a year, I decided it was time to update my goals. And I went bigger. Instead of four goals, I went more specific, yet broader and did 10:

1. Career
2. Family
3. Growth
4. Work
5. Health
6. Financial
7. Personal
8. Relationships
9. Daily Habits
10. Future

I’m still smoothing them out into a finalized product, and then I want to try and read them on a daily basis…maybe morning and night. I’m interested to see where these bigger and broader goals lead me over the next 6 months to a year.

Showcasing Life

I go back and forth when it comes to social media and posting photos of my life. I never want to come across like I'm gloating, but I am fully aware that I live a very fortunate life. 

I find myself in places I'd never expect to go, like the middle of the desert. I want to share these experiences because I know not everyone gets to see the world. I want to write about it so that I remember it. But I never want it to seem like I'm bragging. 

It's not always romantic and beautiful. Yet, as a rule, I try not to focus on the negative in life. So I rarely mention details like the fact my hotel here is on the direct Abu Dhabi airport flight path. From about 2-3am, it seems like ~40 jumbo jets flyby the hotel. This meant my sleep was far from ideal. Or how many hours of a day that I spend crammed in the middle seat in the back of a car. Or that I don't stop working until 11pm....11:30pm....or 12am.

All of that is basically my normal. Those challenges add color, so maybe I should mention the less than ideal aspects of this lifestyle occassionally, but at the end of every day, I know I'm getting to live a pretty charmed life.