Feeling Frustrated and too self absorbed

I haven't posted much this week despite aiming to do it every.single.day. I couldn't exactly put my finger on the reason. I've been super stressed about work this week, which definitely hasn't helped but I don't think that is specifically the cause. 

A lot of the reason is juggling life. In addition to work being full gas, I had to submit a massive binder worth of documents into the Belgian government yesterday. It took a month worth of daily effort, working (and paying a very pretty penny) to a Belgian bookkeeper and simply persevering through a language I'm far from fluent in. And at the end of all of this, I have no idea if they'll extend my visa. I hope they will, I believe they will, but really I have no idea. Also, I don't know how long it'll take them to get me an answer. My current visa expires in February so hopefully, I'll have an answer before time gets tight.

Then there are a lot of little things adding up -- one that stands out is trying to figure out Obamacare for next year (I've loved the Belgian system and now with Trump president, who knows if Obamacare will even exist, especially for those of us with pre-existing conditions). I feel fortunate I have an alternative but I would love to stop spending $500 a month for a US insurance that I don't really use. The only reason I do it is I'm terrified I'll get really hurt or sick and need to go back to the States. Wish I had a crystal ball which could tell me what was the right decision.

And the last stress might just be the most vapid and vain and it's the biggest one. I've been basically obsessed with losing my surgery weight. I'm not eating carbs, trying to eat as little as possible, drinking a ton of water, walking all.day.long, lifting, doing yoga, etc.etc.etc. It isn't budging. I head to Hawaii in a little over 10 days and I would like to feel more confident about myself. Sadly, I bought bathing suits months ago that I don't think are going to get worn. And I don't know what else I can. 

I know my weight fluctuation isn't huge and I'm still a fit, healthy woman. I get this shouldn't fall under the "important" column but I'll admit I'm obsessed. And turning into a fairly awful human because of it. Hungry Fitzalan isn't a pretty sight. Hungry, stressed Fitzalan is a full on nightmare.

Maybe I'm so obsessed because I feel like my weight is the one thing I should be able to completely control. Vapid, yes. Frustrating, yes. Is it adding to an overall unhappiness right now? Definitely. Now I just need to figure out how to climb back out of here because it isn't fair to me or any of the other people who have to interact with me. 

Tackling Foreign Health Care

I'm spoiled with the Belgian healthcare system. As an American who still keeps insurance in the States, I'm paying and using both. When I signed up for Belgian insurance years ago, they gave me a sheet outlining the plans and their month costs. The Royals Royce of plans cost me €27.93 a month. That's right, basically $30 a month gets me amazing healthcare. I carry a Gold plan through Obamacare for more than $400 a month (just in case I get really sick or hurt and also one of my Crohn's drugs isn't approved in Europe, so I still go to my slew of US doctors annually.) and that basically gives me nothing.

It took me a few years of living here to feel comfortable with tackling the healthcare system. Before this year, I'd only gone to a general practice doctor when I was sick and a dentist when I cracked a tooth. But after a very expensive 2015 year in the US when it came to insurance and medical cost, I decided I had to figure out the Belgium system. Add in all my new health issues, and it simply made sense. I dipped my toe in by going to the dentist for a check up. I'm not a fan of the dentist but this experience went smoothly and my out-of-pocket costs (with x-rays) were around $10. I was sold. 

Regardless of the country, doctor's waiting rooms all look the same.

This January, my feet had deteriorated to the point that I knew I needed an expert. I found a foot orthopedic surgeon and my journey into the Belgian healthcare system began. I've now had x-rays, minor surgery and seen rheumatologists, a gastroenterologist and an acupuncturist. The wait for an appointment can be long, but I've learned that if you need to get in, they get you in.  There are times that I think they are a little more conservative in their approach than I would like and there is a sense of passing the buck around, but all in all, I'd say it's a good system.

Who would have thought my feet would lead to so much agony?! 

After my first trip to the hospital, I dreaded getting the mail and finding the bills. In America, I would be racking up thousands. My first bill for the x-rays came and I cringed while I opened the letter. The bill, obviously all written in Dutch, showed I owed €1.56 out of pocket per x-ray, so around $2 and that included getting them taken and getting them read. I was shocked.

Order for surgery. 

I'm about to dive into the Belgian health care system a little deeper. My foot issues have gotten worse and worse and after delaying nine months, my doctor decided I finally needed surgery. We scheduled it for this upcoming Monday. It is the best time of year to make this happen because I have a few weeks of no travel, so I'll spend that on the couch recovering. The Roommate will be home, so I'll have a nursemaid. I'm not looking forward to the surgery at all, (I'm actually quite terrified) but I am looking forward to walking pain free. He said that'll come about six months post-op. So here we go on another expat adventure.....